I woke up this morning full-on sobbing. Bright sun fingers poking into my Edmonton bedroom with its blood red blinds and red fabric wall hangings from Indonesia, Cambodia, and a small gold silk one from China, all gathered in travel or living abroad. I was surrounded by velvet accent pillows in shades of green and red, along with a pearly white throw and a white duvet with watercolour red, green, and gold flowers to brighten it all up.
I realize as you say that, the intimacy I had with my grandma’s body in final illness. I think I want to appreciate her body more, even as it is complicated...Somehow, for me, I think I am associating safety with the rooms and big doorknobs and closets to read in more so than her person...And, as a settler and general human being lol, that feels like something important for me to dwell with more...
This is rich. Thank you for it, Kim. (As it ended, you got me, too. When my grandparents passed on and their children sold their parents' multi-generational house...Well, when I am struggling to sleep, and searching for somewhere safe...I often go back there to walk through each room by room by, until I collapse into dreams...) Thank you, again, also, for all sorts of ways of your...limning passageways into the ever-present...
I realize as you say that, the intimacy I had with my grandma’s body in final illness. I think I want to appreciate her body more, even as it is complicated...Somehow, for me, I think I am associating safety with the rooms and big doorknobs and closets to read in more so than her person...And, as a settler and general human being lol, that feels like something important for me to dwell with more...
This is rich. Thank you for it, Kim. (As it ended, you got me, too. When my grandparents passed on and their children sold their parents' multi-generational house...Well, when I am struggling to sleep, and searching for somewhere safe...I often go back there to walk through each room by room by, until I collapse into dreams...) Thank you, again, also, for all sorts of ways of your...limning passageways into the ever-present...